Basic Understanding of 'Alaqah Jinsiyah-Intimate Relationship- Education In Islam: Part 2

[5:5]. Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people of the scripture is lawful for you. Also, you .may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor .taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers.


Do We Really Understand?

The common discussion that we should or we shouldn’t promote sex education keeps going around these issues:-


1) It is A Taboo

Sex education in Islam is not a taboo. But sex education in Malay custom is a taboo. Yet in a real teaching in Islam it was  having an intercourse relationship before marriage is WHAT that actually  a wrongdoing and prohibited. Why? We will come to that later.


2) Being Too Judgmental

Being too judgmental without  communication wise and lead to unfair treatment is wrong. But being jugdmental because of valid reasons on aspects that morally wrong and solid principle still can  be consider right based on social interaction. Although we have to agree that there were certain aspect that needed to be improve in our social interaction.


3) What Actually Is Sex Education?

Sex education seeks both to reduce the risks of potentially negative outcomes from sexual behavior, like unwanted or unplanned pregnancies and infection with sexually transmitted diseases, and to enhance the quality of relationships. It is also about developing young people’s ability to make decisions over their lifetime. Sex education that works, by which we mean that it is effective, is sex education that contributes to this overall aim.


This is based on AVERT organization or International Aids charity website.


Islam does highlight sex education in its teaching. But its should be conduct with the right method of ruling and proper way and manner.

4) What Islam promote

And do not come near zina; indeed, it is an abomination and an evil way, (Al-Isra’: 32),


a) Prevention 

What have west education brought upon as one of the defination of sex education is to protect yourself either with barrier method i.e condom or prevent yourself in having an intercourse with someone that you didn’t know well.


Looks brilliant isn’t it? Well, it’s not that brilliant.


Protection based on western definition is not comprehensive. Comprehensive is the core of Islamic principle. While Islam promote or prohibited certain rulings it must based on comprehensive perspective. Comprehensive in a meaning that that matter is scientifically and morally proven that PROMINETLY it will lead to human security, emotionally, physiology, health, at the same time acknowledge  human nature i.e fitrah.


Looks complicated isn’t it? Not at all.


In a simple way of saying it, is that while ‘protection’ on common knowledge might prevent pregnancy or STD/I – Sexually Transmitted Disease or Inflexion it might not forever prevent us to not affect with the all the disease.


A study presented in 2008 revealed that around 26% of young American women aged 14-19 are infected with at least one of the four most common sexually transmitted infections.2 This amounts to around 3.2 million female teenagers. The most widespread infection is HPV (human papilloma virus, which can cause genital warts and cervical cancer), found in 18% of young women. In second place is chlamydia, with a 4% infection rate. The study found that African American teenagers are most severely affected; around 48% of young African American women have an STD, compared to 20% of young white women.

To help combat these infections, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends annual chlamydia screening for sexually active women under the age of 25, and HPV vaccination for women and girls aged 11-26.


Not to add the fact that people who considered themselves as a healthy adult in having sexual intercourse based on their conscience i.e having a stable partner and relationship will eventually being emotionally disrupted if their relationship ended when they have shared the most intimate relationship of a humanbeing.


The possibilities is the same  on the other hand, when those who keep changing partner or having casual sexual intercourse with the barrier method i.e condom will have emotional and physiological problem not only to their own self but to their partner too. How many cases we have come around about people who tend to changing their partner and not knowing what exactly they want at the end.


Though they thought that the intercourse could fulfill their inner desire yet it actually it just on the surface. Its happen mostly on the west where casual sex is like a meal. Depression and many others physically distressed known will affect them later.


The Point 

Tell the believing men that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs; that is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is well-acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women that they should lower their gazes and guard their sexual organs, and not display their adornment, except that which is apparent of it; and that they should draw their head-coverings over their bosoms, and not display their adornment except to their husbands or their fathers or their husbands’ fathers, or their sons or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or those whom their right hands possess, or male servants who lack sexual desire, or children who are not aware of women’s nakedness; and that they should not strike their feet in order to make known what they hide of their adornment…. (24:30-31)


But I didn’t attempt to highlight the above issues since when its comes to non Muslim who didn’t have the ultimate law plus  our own country which didn’t apply Islamic Law or Shariah as the constitution law.


What I want to stress is Islamic law comprehend and compose our life. Whatever the rulings was it all based how and tight around the principle that will make us happy and satisfied.


To answer the question above. What Islam promote? Islam promotes prevention.


Prevention is based on the core of Islamic rulings to protect human being from harm and gain them benefits.


To gain the benefit and to avoid the harm      ” جلب المصلحة ودرء المفسدة”


What Islam promotes in this matter is prevention. Prevention is more comprehensive then protection. Protection is protection.  Generally, in literal meaning of protection is you ALREADY commit yourself in certain actions but you sheild yourself or we can define protection as; The act of protecting, or the state of being protected; preservation from loss, injury, or annoyance; defense; shelter; as, the weak need protection.


Prevention is far wider.  In Islam we have a a source of Islamic Legislation called ‘Saddul Adz-Zharai’  except some such as Imam Ibn Hazm (that didnt acknowledge it), but it was the Maliki School that gave it more importance and credence.


It can be considered as on on the adillah (on some of the jurist) or one of the Qawaeed Feqhiahor ‘Method of Rulings’ in understanding and conduct the dalil in Islamic Law.


‘Saddul Adz-Zdharai’ can be defines as ’blocking the lawful means to an unlawful end’.


In further means:-

Blocking the means in the Islamic law entails forbidding, or blocking, a lawful action because it could be a means that lead to unlawful action. Jurists from various schools of Islamic law agreed that in such case leading to unlawful actions should be more probable then not, but they differed over how to systemise the comparison of probabilities. Jurists divided probability of unlawful actions into four different levels.

   1) Certain

   2) Most probable

   3) Probable

   4) Rare


In short, its a well know fact that prevention is better than cure or close the door that can lead to harmness. Such as if we want to prevent to become a victim of a criminal, prevent ourselves from going out alone at night. 


How Does It Be Apply?

‘Saddul Adz-Zdharai’ can be apply in various ways.  For instance, to prevent us to involve in unstable relationship or having intercourse that will lead to damage our lineage (keturunan),health and emotion stability  Islam prohibited sex before marriage but Islam promote marriage.


To prevent us from being rape avoid going out with man that you didn’t know. To avoid doing things that will lead to zina avoid going out with a man except your husband, brothers, father and other mahram. In order to prevent committing zina, avoid the little things (that are considered as zinaul asghor such as being togehther with your fiance in a car etc that will lead us to the possibility in commit or go near zina itself.


Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day must never be in privacy with woman without there being a mahrem (of hers) with her, for otherwise Satan will be the third person (with them).(Reported by Ahmad on the authority of ‘Amir ibn Rabi’ah.)


In Islam, everything comes with responsibility and commitment.  Intimate relationship is a nature for human being but it must be conduct with much responsibility and commitment to avoid loads of harm that will effect us later.


All Rounder

Maybe  in our logical perspective we thought might gain some benefits in committing certain actions i.e  going out together between girl and boyfriend, having an intimate relationship in order to know each other better, fulfill what each other seeks but did we have to commit something that gain a little benefit but will cause us more harm at the same time?


Because of that also  Shariah  underline another Method of Rulings which is :

درء المفاسد أولى من جلب المصالح. ‘Avoid The Harm (In One Action) Is Better Than To Gain The Littile Benefit (Out Of It)”


This one method of rulings was to help us organize our life to the outmost respect and dignity. Without morality and principle we will lead our life like an animal when actually we are the most honor mankind that been created by Allah.


For instance, how many of our teenagers has been fool by their partner in believing the man want to married them and lead them to being pregnant out of wedlock? After realize how they are wrong then they will abort the babies since they didn’t want to have baby out of wedlock. How many of our youngsters has involve in affairs and being extremely emotionally disturbed because of the mistakes they made? In protecting human dignity, lineage, emotion and health then Islam prohibited sex before marriage when two people commits intercourse without the feelings of full responsibility and commitment even if they used barrier protection(condom). The harms do us more than the little benefit (if one does want to argue).


To avoid the bigger harms then Islam prohibited certain aspects even with one LOGICAL mind that they may gain little benefit out of it. Islam means one method of ruling that will not only safe one human being but ALL human being. Not only consider one aspect but considered ALL aspect. Not regard with one location but ALL location. People created with differences way of thinking, Islam acknowledge that and underline certain method of rulings that will compact and organize way of thinking based on the guidance that will make all of us live peacefully and avoid severe disagrement and conflict. Feel contend and safe as well acknowledge our differences, right and nature.


People might say that maybe out of 100% of human being they will be 30% people who can avoid being affected with certain disease or having a satisfactory relationship even without marriage but Islam believe that the basic principle should be considered with all angel and aspect of perspective. To avoid is better than cure. That what Islam believes and that what make Islam as the way of life.


At the same times, intimate relationship should not only to fulfill the basic desire but to attach with the whole emotional attachment. Because of that, Islam underline that  intimate relationship should be uphold with outmost love, respect, responsibility and commitment that only a marriage can offer so that we feel contend both physically and emotionally.


b) Education  (will come with this later, inshallah)


c) Self  Conduct   (will come with this later, inshallah)



1) To understand the objective of syara’, method of rulings (Qawaed Feqhiah) and Usul Feqh(Science of Jurisprudence) this writing is not enough. This is only the basic introduction ormadkhal which I target to modern thinking or liberal people to understand. I intentionally didn’t want to make this entry full of dalilun Naqli which is most of us  will know already but want to make us thinking of the method and objective of Shariah better in order to understand more why is certain rulings was implemented. Allahua’lam. Allah knows better.

2) If there is any comments, questions, additional thoughts, critics, please feel welcome to contact us at:  salmanamiruddin at gmail dot com.